The Writer
by thediagnosis
Summary: After the funeral shooting, the 12th precinct tries to cope with change as Castle and Beckett try to figure out where they really stand with each other. At the same time, an eerily familiar case crosses their desks where nothing really is as it seems.


Castle stirs and opens his eyes groggily as a few nurses shuffle by, their quiet conversation waking him. Stretching his neck, he sits up and surveys his surroundings, a small groan escaping his lips as he tries to get comfortable. A dim light flickers off the beige walls and the cheap, blue plastic he is sitting on, which doesn't quite compute with the lingering smell of wet grass and gunpowder. A glint in the corner of his eye. A shot. A scream. His sense memory is wiped clean quicker than it showed up. Yesterday's events take up enough of his dreams; he sure as hell isn't letting them take up his waking hours. At least not until they have to. Lanie smiles at him as he finally notices her across the room. She sits beside Esposito and Ryan, who are asleep with their heads one on top of the other.

"It's ok, Castle. I've accepted being the third-wheel in this relationship," she says with a hint of a chuckle. He can't help smile back at her, but he can't quite manage a laugh.

"How long has it been?"

"A few hours. Last I heard she was nearing the end of her surgery."

"Have you slept yet?" He swallows hard.

"Nah. You boys needed it more than me. Besides, I'm the only one who can understand the medical mumbo-jumbo, right?" A smile again. Eyes still vacant. Lanie was always a good friend to Kate. _Is_ a good friend to Kate. To all of them. A better friend than he probably ever noticed before now. Castle crosses over to her, bringing the blanket she must have wrapped him in and placing it on her.

"Now it's your turn. I'll take over information duty for now." A long pause passes between them as their eyes lock in both sadness and understanding.

"She's going to be alright, Rick."

"Get some rest," he says with a squeeze of her shoulder before he treads off towards the nurses' station at the end of the hall.

Feeling lightheaded he makes a pit stop at the vending machine, digging change from his pocket and grabbing a chocolate bar. Not the most nutritious thing for a man who hasn't eaten in what? 6? 10? 14 hours? He isn't quite sure and can't bear to look at his watch to find out. Taking a bite, he leans against the machine, looking down at his bloodstained clothes. He traces a finger across a button and sighs into the wrapper, closing his eyes. He hasn't cried yet and not because he hasn't wanted to. There are just so many emotions clogging up his vision that he can't bring himself to express anything. He almost lost her. He told her he loved her. Will she even remember? If she doesn't, will he remind her? Who will bring it up first? What will he say when she does? Or will it slip away into their past just like the kiss? The moments that should bring them closer together always seem to have the opposite effect. Causing them instead to slip progressively farther away into…what? Denial? Fear? He accused her of having walls and hiding in her past, but the truth is he hid too. He hid in his books and his talent and he let himself get wrapped up into the idea of Nikki Heat when all along he should've been wrapped up in Kate Beckett. He loved her a long time and decided that the right time to tell her was with a bullet in her chest? What the hell was he thinking? His head can't take all the questions and his heart can't take the answers. Castle pushes himself back up and moves toward his intended destination, blacking out everything that just crossed his mind.

"Excuse me? I was wondering if I could get some information on a patient?" A redheaded nurse swivels in her chair, a smile spread wide across her plump face as she sees him.

"Mr. Castle! Of course, what can I do you for?" She seems to know him but he can't recall seeing her before in his life. His ego doesn't win out this round and he assumes they met during the blur of last night.

"My…friend, Katherine Beckett. Any news on her condition? When can she have visitors?" He asks. No, pleads.

"Well, I could tell you but her surgeon is standing right behind you and I am sure he can answer your questions much better than me," she says with a toothy grin and a chubby finger pointing behind him. Castle turns around and at least one of his questions finally gets answered.

"Josh."

_She won't remember. And if she does, she won't care. He just saved her life. And I got her shot. _


End file.
